


Sex Machina Vol. II - Rogues Gallery

by Pikes_PornTime_Pamphlets



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Just Sex, Non-Canon Relationship, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 16:40:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12634989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikes_PornTime_Pamphlets/pseuds/Pikes_PornTime_Pamphlets
Summary: The long-delayed second volume of Pike Trickfoot's hand-made pornographic pamphlets, in which we observe what our beloved villains get up to when Vox Machina isn't there to ruin all the fun...





	Sex Machina Vol. II - Rogues Gallery

**Author's Note:**

> Part the First: In which Lyra and Hotis find a mutually beneficial arrangement, and the author is left wondering if they just wrote furry smut. 
> 
> The following takes place prior to Episode 57, 'Duskmeadow'.

It had been too long, Lyra finally decided. Too long since she’d been sent back out on the hunt. Too long since she’d been given a real contract. She was a true member of the Slayer’s Take, wasn’t she? Hadn’t she led the successful pursuit of a white dragon? How could Vanessa object after she’d proven herself? After all, how many others here could make such a claim? Less than half the Take had ever even seen a dragon, let alone fought one. 

These were the thoughts circling around in Lyra’s head as she approached Vanessa’s office. _You deserve this_ , she thought. _You’ve earned it_. And it was almost enough to quiet the butterflies in her stomach, to stop her legs from shaking. She had dressed in her least ‘bookish’ civilian attire, a purple blouse held up by a leather corset, with a well-made, patterned yellow skirt that stopped a few inches above her knees. There was a handful of people in the hall, most not meeting her gaze - although a few did turn to look as she walked by, following the gentle, bobbing motion of her skirt, which, although perfectly decent in itself, did little to hide the generous curve of her rear. To her relief, Murtin wasn’t at his usual post, which meant he wouldn’t be there to talk her down from her plan. _Yes_ , she thought. _Today is the day_. She paused outside the door, taking a moment to adjust her round glasses, run a hand through the curly black hair that bounced just above her shoulders, and straighten out her skirt. 

“Vanessa?” Lyra called out, rapping lightly on the door. “I was hoping you - I mean I - could talk? I could talk to you? It’s about my contract. I mean, I don’t have a contract. Not yet. Which isn’t to say I’m not grateful for the one I got. I just, I feel, as a guild leader, that it is my responsibility to take on my duties on a regular basis, and I… Hello?”

Silence. Or rather, there was no response - but Lyra was sure she could hear someone rattling around inside. 

She adjusted her glasses and knocked again. “Vanessa, now, I know you’re busy, but this is - you could at least… maybe you can’t hear me. That’s fine. I… I’m coming in!”

Slowly, wincing as she did so, Lyra nudged the door open and leaned into the room. 

Vanessa’s office, her private sanctum, was, for as long as Lyra had been here, an immaculately clean, orderly place. Shelves full of old contracts, lists of former clients, finances - all were stored in a precisely determined fashion, where Vanessa could access them at a moment’s notice. Lyra had admired her for that. But now, she could see that the place was in an uncharacteristic mess. Bundles of papers were scattered over the large wooden desk; boxes of files had been tossed haphazardly off the shelves, their contents spilling out over the floor. All this Lyra could see - but Vanessa was not in sight.

Nervously, Lyra stepped further into the room, nudging a loose scroll with her foot. “Oh my gosh! Vanessa? Are you in here? Is everything alright?”

When she spoke, there was a sudden _thump_ from behind the desk, and a low moan. 

“Vanessa? What are you doing? Did you hurt yourself? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, I just… uh..”

Lyra walked up to the desk, peering indelicately over. It was’t Vanessa.

It was Aldor.

Aldor. Looking up at her. Right at her. Smiling.

“Oh,” Lyra squeeked. “Oh my. Aldor. Hello. I… I’m sorry, I should. Do you want me to go? I know I’m not supposed to be within fifty feet of, of you, because of last time, which I would like to point out was an accident, but I swear, I didn’t…” As she spoke, Lyra began to walk backwards. But between Aldor, the loose papers on the floor, Aldor, the fact that she wasn’t looking where she was going, and Aldor, it was perhaps inevitable that Lyra almost immediately slipped and fell backwards right onto the floor.

“Ow! Ow, I’m sorry, ow,” Lyra winced, putting a hand to the back of her head. When she opened her eyes, there was Aldor again - strong, beautiful Aldor, thick yellow hair framing his face as he knelt down, his beautiful, light blue eyes gazing right through her. Aldor, out of his armor, his shirt hanging open at the collar, revealing a tuft of chest hair, leather pants squeezing tightly against his muscular legs. Again, he smiled, a friendly smile like the kind she always hoped he would make when he saw her.

“Oh dear. Did you hurt yourself?” He said in that deep, wonderful voice. “Here, let me help you up.”

“Eep!” Lyra almost squealed as he reached out towards her - reached out with those hands, large, rough and strong, that she had dreamed of so many times. “I mean, I, oh dear, I, you don’t have to trouble yourself, I can manage, I’m fine, I’m fine.” She struggled to push herself up off the floor. The initial shock was gone, and looking down she could see that her legs were wide open - giving Aldor a clear view right up her skirt. With another "eep!" she reached down to adjust it - how much more embarrassing could this get? In a nervous flurry, she scooted backwards and sat up, tucking her legs underneath her. Perhaps it was just being in such close proximity to him, but she couldn’t help feeling a little thrill at the idea that he’d seen - well, not everything, but still. 

“I hope I didn’t frighten you,” Aldor continued. “I was just looking through some of Vanessa’s papers, I didn’t hear you come in.”

Only this was not Aldor, dear reader, but Hotis. 

 

 

Hotis, you see, was fresh out of Hell and gunning straight for Vax. The only trouble was, with Emon in ruins, his best lead was to go back to the source and search the Slayer’s Take for clues. Luckily, he knew his way around Vasselheim well enough, and it wasn’t much trouble to find out when their boss would be out for lunch. Another twenty minutes and he’d probably have found the info he needed, too. But then this silly little girl had to come barging in.

He gauged his next move as she sat there in shock. Given more time to prepare, he might have had a bit of fun with her. Humans could make for delightful playthings, and there was an appealing… plumpness to this one. That skirt hung so loosely over her thighs, white flesh both firm and tender…

He’d had to act quickly when she’d appeared, and this Aldor fellow was so prominent in the girl’s thoughts he seemed the obvious choice for impersonation. The inescapable scent of arousal that now clung to her was proof this was the correct choice. Or at least, it almost was.

Rather absentmindedly, Hotis reached out again to help her to her feet. It did not occur to him until too late that he’d only had time to cast an illusion, rather than a full polymorphic alteration. To her credit, the girl only gasped when she felt his inverted palms, rather than scream and faint as so many others had. 

“Who - what - what’s going on? Who are you? What is the meaning of this?” Lyra said, shuffling away from him across the floor.

“Ah, damn,” Hotis sighed. “That’s my fault. Rookie mistake, I know. You caught me off guard, is all.” He dropped the illusion. Where once there had been Aldor, there was now what appeared to be a large man with the face of a tiger and thick fur covering his body - a Rakshasa. He wore fine purple and blue robes, draped loosely over his body. He was powerfully built, with broad shoulders and massive hands - hands that somehow were facing the wrong way, palms naturally facing outwards. He grinned wickedly, long white teeth flashing as he spoke. “My name is Hotis. And you, I’m afraid, are something of a problem.”

She stood up, brushing herself off. “Deal with? I am not something you can just - I am a guild leader, I will have you know! I am a prominent member of the Slayer’s Take. I killed a white dragon!”

“I do know. Very impressive.”

“You - yes, very impressive! I may not know what you’re doing here, but I won’t let you get away with it!”

“No, I can see that. Unfortunate, really. Killing you will take some doing, I see.”

“Ye- yes,” Lyra was thrown by how calm he seemed. “So I suggest you just surrender.”

“Or perhaps I’ll just leave you to clean up this mess?” Hotis grinned. “No point in wasting my time here.” With a flick of the wrist, he began to cast Teleport. “’Til we meet again, sweet Lyra.”

“Oh no you don’t!” Lyra threw a hand out, crackling with her own arcane energy. It was a new spell, and she’d not had a chance to practice it yet. But she was a formidable wizard, in her own way, and Hotis’ spell sputtered immediately into nothingness, leaving him standing there with a bemused expression.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” He sighed. “Not again.”

“Ha! I’ve got you!”

“Yes. You’ve got me. I’m shaking in my boots.”

“As you should be! I’ve caught you, you thief!” Lyra crowed. She hopped up and down triumphantly, setting her black curls springing back and forth around her head, her plentiful breasts bouncing within the confines of her blouse. 

Hotis, while he thought himself more than capable of taking out this one little human, knew that a fight would draw the attention of the other Slayers, which would mean a whole big to-do and was certainly far more work than he felt like dealing with. 

“I haven’t actually stolen anything, you know,” He said, truthfully. “Are you sure we can’t just work this out ourselves? I think this is all just a misunderstanding.”

“Well,” Lyra eyed him suspiciously, squinting through her glasses. Catching a Rakshasa all by herself would certainly impress Vanessa. But then again, starting a fight in her office, possibly destroying valuable documents in the process, was just the kind of mess that Vanessa had already threatened to suspend her for, multiple times… and he’d looked so much like Aldor…

Hotis, of course, was reading her thoughts throughout all this, and knew what her offer would be perhaps even before she did. _Ah, well_ , he thought, resigning himself to his fate. _The things I do for revenge_. 

“There is… something you could do…” Lyra began.

“Yes? I’ll do anything, I swear.”

“Could you… turn into him again?” She felt her throat go dry. “Aldor?”

In a flash, Aldor appeared before her once more. 

“Could you… uh…”

Aldor reached out and put a finger to her lips. He nodded. Without a word, he dropped both hands to her hips and pulled her towards him. The way he held her was strange, confusing, but she didn’t care, Lyra decided, it didn’t matter, it was Aldor, or close enough. Maybe best not to kiss him, but everything else was fair game. She placed her hands on his chest, which felt strong and comfortingly muscular all the same. He was smiling down at her, a predatory smile, but it was his face, his strong jaw with just the right amount of scruff, thick eyebrows, and high, tanned cheeks. She gasped as he began to grind his loins against her, his hands suddenly gripping her bottom - were those claws she felt?

Aldor drew her close to his body, pressing his awakening cock snugly between her legs. He’d been with humans a few times, in his travels, enough to know how they worked. The air was thick with her scent. With little effort, he picked her up, holding her tight against his pelvis as he spun around and placed her on the desk. Bending down, he began to run his tongue across her neck. She gasped again, and wrapped her arms around him, fumbling nervously.

“Oh… oh my… oh gosh,” She whispered. “Well that is… oh, yesss.”

He moved lower, licking gently at the skin of her bosom above the line of her blouse, occasionally daring to press his teeth into the pale flesh, just enough so as not to draw blood. He began to purr, and Lyra thrilled at the gentle vibrations on her chest. They had not stopped grinding against each other, settling into a steady rhythm, Lyra lifting her hips as she humped desperately against his strong body, pausing only to kick off her shoes before she wrapped her legs around him. Aldor ran his hands up and down her sides - his arms crossed in front of him, so that the palms were pressed downwards. Suddenly, in a single, swift motion, he drew a claw down the front of Lyra’s corset. Each of the strings that held it together suddenly snapped, and with no hesitation he reached behind her and pulled it away, leaving only the simple, thin blouse underneath. 

“Oh, Aldor,” Lyra gasped. “Take me, Aldor. Have your way with me.”

Having committed himself, Hotis obliged. There was no going back now.

Picking her up once again - he was so strong, Lyra thought, impossibly strong, she felt like a plaything in his hands - he turned her over, facing away from him. She understood his intention, and rested on her knees and elbows, raising her buttocks up into the air in a most unladylike manner. Lyra felt those strange hands gently grasp onto her thighs, the claws delicately raking across her skin. He grabbed the hem of her skirt and flipped it up, exposing lace undergarments. 

“Wait!” Lyra cried.

“What?” Hotis stopped. He found himself hoping she hadn’t changed her mind.

“The mirror!” She said. “Bring the mirror over here!”

Hotis glanced around. There was a full length mirror in the far corner, next to a little coat rack. 

“Ah,” He said. “Say no more.”

He wheeled the mirror over so that it was behind the desk, facing them. He positioned himself behind Lyra again, who in the meantime had shed her panties. He took a moment to gaze at the sight of her perfect buttocks - wonderfully full and round - before looking into the mirror. Staring back at him was the stupid monkey-person face of this Aldor fellow. He glanced down and saw Lyra staring back at him through the reflection.

“Take your shirt off,” she said. “Please?”

Aldor disrobed, revealing a broad chest thick with blonde hair. He unconsciously flexed, the muscles taut and firm beneath the skin, wide shoulders and arms dense with muscle. Going one step further, he shed his pants, and Lyra caught a glimpse of the pale skin of his thighs. He reached out and gripped her by the hips, pulling her close to him once more. 

Again, she felt those strange hands on her bare flesh. In the mirror, she saw Aldor reach underneath her, as one hand pressed into the space between her buttocks, moving up and down, spreading them apart, then suddenly pushing farther, rubbing against her vulva, toying with her wet lips, then back again.

“Vanessa… would… kill me… if she knew…” Lyra moaned.

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” Hotis replied.

“Just hurry, hurry it up,” Lyra said between shallow breaths. “Please.”

Aldor nodded. 

She felt him press against her loins again, but it was not just his hand anymore. She reached underneath, guiding him towards the spot. His penis, too, felt odd in her hand - were those spines? - But she was beyond caring whether Aldor had a weird dick. It was long and hard, and that was good enough for her. She lined up his penis at her entrance and pushed her body backwards, swallowing him up within her. 

Now it was Aldor’s turn to gasp. Instinctively he squeezed, digging his claws into her flesh. She was so warm; so much gentle heat accepting him, embracing him. He had to have more. His hips began to move of their own volition, thrusting, his penis sliding back and forth within her. 

“Oh, fuck yes,” Lyra squealed. “Oh, Aldor, yes. Faster, Aldor, faster!”

He didn’t need the encouragement. His whole body was devoted to pounding against the voluptuous little human in his grasp, his fur now damp with her sweat. He leaned down to lick her again, tasting her salty skin, sniffing at the intoxicating smell of her body. 

Lyra began to buck and quiver on the desk. It hadn’t even been this good with the real Aldor! That was just a quick little shag in the closet, awkward fumbling with him reeking of ale. This was raw, animal, unrepentant fucking. The hot, thick pressure of his shaft would have been enough, filling her up entirely, but the strange ridges were absolutely electric against the walls of her vagina. She’d never felt anything like this. Too much more of this and she would… she…

“Hold… hold on a second,” She panted. “I want to face you.”

Hotis growled. “It’s easier for me this way…”

“Well, those are my terms, mister, and I want to be looking at you when I cum,” Lyra replied, lingering on the last word, glancing back at Aldor over her shoulder in a way that only excited him further. 

Aldor, who seemed immensely anxious at having to stop, stepped back and let her turn over. Her black hair was now a messy halo around her head, her face flushed brightly red. She took off her glasses briefly and wiped away the mist that had formed over them. He held her gaze as she blinked up at him through the lenses, smiling sheepishly. Her legs were splayed wide apart, a neatly trimmed little patch of dark hair over her mound contrasting sharply with the pale white skin, on which a few little red scratch marks were now visible. Her blouse was damp with sweat and stuck to her body, closely outlining the shape of her plump breasts. Aldor stepped forward and grabbed at the hem of the blouse, and Lyra raised her arms as he lifted it over her head. He tossed that last bit of clothing to the side, leaving her entirely naked on the desk. 

Hotis paused, deciding to enjoy the moment. He crossed his arms again, hefting each breast in his palms. Lyra bit her lip, watching him, drinking deeply of the sight of his naked body. He began to trace a single finger over first one breast, then the other, toying with the dark, swollen nipples. The finger moved down, running over the slick skin of her belly, watching it quiver at his touch. He looked up to see Lyra staring at him, her mouth parted ever so slightly, showing a pink bit of tongue. The only sound in the room was their breathing. 

He had remained fully erect, and all it took was a gentle push to enter her once again.

Lyra leaned back, letting him take control. Hotis continued to toy with her. He delighted in how responsive she was. He pulled out entirely, then slipped inside, again and again, each time drawing a meek little ‘Oh!’ as she squirmed beneath him. Her breasts shook with each thrust he made, their ample flesh bouncing hypnotically. 

Lyra could hardly stand to take her eyes off of him. He leaned close, enveloping her, and she could feel his ragged breath tickling her skin. Aldor built up to their former pace until the room resounded with the steady ’thwap’ of their bodies smacking against each other. Lyra draped her legs over his shoulders, well beyond caring whether he felt incongruously furry. Hotis’ wonderfully strange shaft pressed deep within her.

“You’re so… _thick_ , Aldor” She moaned. This was better than she had ever dreamed. She raked her hands across the desk, her body making its own motions now, writhing in absolute ecstasy. They both began to cry out, unabashedly vocalizing as they pushed further and further together, bringing themselves closer to the edge. Lyra closed her eyes and shouted his name, again and again, until her every cell cried out with her and she collapsed back against the desk.

“What the _hell_ is going on in here?” Said a sudden voice.

Hotis twirled around in a blur, his fully erect penis now pointing towards the doorway. Standing there, with a particularly odd expression on his face, was Aldor. The real Aldor.

“Uh…” Hotis stammered. Lyra could muster nothing more than a pathetic whimper, her naked body gone entirely limp.

“You know what,” Aldor sighed and threw up his hands. “I don’t want to know. Gods, I need a drink…”

He walked out of the room, closing the door firmly behind him.

Hotis glanced back to Lyra and raised an eyebrow. She raised herself gently off the desk and ran her fingers through her hair, biting her lip as she stared back at him. He absentmindedly stroked his penis with one hand, the shaft still slick with her wetness.

“Would you, ah…”

“Again?”

“If you don’t mind?”

“Not at all. But let’s find a proper bed, first.”


End file.
